Memory Bank

Whether it was at the country dance in Pincher Creek, Alberta, or at home next to the record player, James (Jim) and Kathleen (Kay) Oddie loved to dance. In fact, they danced from their first date in 1947 all the way through 57 years of a wonderful marriage. "Mom and I had the greatest life we could have…we danced for miles and miles." When a series of small strokes left Kay with chronic pain and progressive memory loss, Jim took the lead as her caregiver, holding onto his wife ever so tightly, giving her the guidance she needed as they took every step of the journey as if they were one; just like the great dance partner he had always been.

Jim and Kay first met as teenagers at a boarding house in Pincher Creek. Jim shared a room with Kay's younger brother, "She was there the year before so she thought she knew all the ropes and was quite handy at bossing the two of us around, so I thought she was a pain." After finishing high school, they went their separate ways, although their paths were not all that distant. Both Jim and Kay served as wireless operators in Britain during World War II, though they never had the opportunity to see each other. Kay served with the Royal Canadian Air Force stationed in Yorkshire while Jim served for Canadian Armed Forces stationed in Brighton. Jim went on to serve on the Continent, helping to liberate Holland. Seventeen years after high school, their paths converged again. In 1947, Jim spotted his future wife, wearing her Air Force uniform, riding on an Armistice Day float back in their hometown of Pincher Creek, "I thought, ’gee… that skinny kid I went to high school with looks pretty good.’ So I went and asked her out for lunch, and that was the start of it." That night at the Armistice Day dance, the two hit it off like never before as they waltzed for the very first time.

Following their marriage in November 1948, Jim took on a temporary teaching position at a rural school called Utopia outside of Pincher Creek. The local School Board constructed a two-room teacherage for the newly wed couple in the schoolyard. The students became so fond of Kay, and her hot cocoa, that they would wait around after school until she came out to say goodbye to them; a true testament of her kind and loving character. Then in the spring of 1949, the couple moved to their farm in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains where they raised their two daughters, Jean and Janet. Their farmhouse, which had originally been a two-story house down the road, was moved onto the farm and completely renovated into a one-story bungalow. Because there was no electricity running to the farm at the time, Jim and his friend literally used handsaws to cut off the top floor of the house and construct a new roof. They even installed a blackboard in the kitchen so Jim could help the girls with their homework.

Life on the farm was happy for the Oddies. Jim and his daughters often share fond memories of time they spent there together. Janet recalls the many days she and her family would enjoy tea and cookies together after school. She also recalls times when she and her sister laughed at their parents who would tease them by speaking back and forth to each other in Morse code. While living on the farm, Jim was instrumental in forming several local co-ops that brought electricity and snowplough service to rural families who could not get this service because they were outside the town limits. He went on to serve as the secretary for the Pincher Creek Co-op for 24 years, helping to develop it into a thriving business that sold everything from groceries to lumber to machinery, thereby considerably improving the quality of life for many families in the area.

In 1972, after the girls finished school, the Oddies sold their farm and set out to fulfill their dream to see the world together. The couple visited Australia, New Zealand, Israel and Britain several times. "We loved to travel…Mom didn't want to travel in an RV because she thought she'd just be changing sinks, so we stayed in motels and got service." They continued to travel for many years until they settled into a condominium in a seniors' park in Abbotsford, close to Janet and her family. But at the age of 88, Kay began to experience the first symptoms of memory loss. She was able to compensate for several years, but when she was 92, they decided that it would be best to move into an assisted-living facility in Surrey where Jim could get some help with meals and housekeeping, and where Janet was only five minutes away.

On the night they settled into their new apartment, Jim and Kay danced together once again as Janet sang, "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You". Shortly thereafter, Kay's health began to decline rapidly. Dementia coupled with an adverse reaction to a prescribed medication caused her to become severely disoriented. She had difficulty sleeping and eating, and would often ask to go home to their farm in Pincher Creek. Jim had been such a strong and able caregiver for so long that even their daughters hadn't realized how sick their mom had really become. It wasn't until Jim had to be hospitalized suddenly that the severity of Kay's illness became apparent. Then came the most difficult decision many families who experience dementia have to face: the decision to move Kay into complex care. In a brief moment of clarity, the night before she was moved, she looked at her husband and said, "We'll always be together, won't we?" Sadly, she passed away 14 days later.

Jim remembers his wife as the most beautiful and honest person anyone could ever meet. Much like her husband, she had fantastic wit and a great sense of humour, so it is no surprise that the couple shared many laughs throughout their long and happy marriage. Above all, their wedding day is Jim's favourite memory, "It was a beautiful day, it was warm and there was no snow…there was just family. We got married in a church and had a dinner in Kay's sister's house…I think my wife was very beautiful." Jim's role as caregiver to his wife is a true demonstration of the strength and undying love of a devoted husband. Looking back, he realizes just how exhausted he really was, though at the time, he somehow found the strength to carry on. Based on his experience, his words of encouragement to other caregivers are, "If you can afford it, get somebody in to help. Don't try to do everything on your own."