Memory Bank

Norman Laddner is truly a man of many talents and virtues. He is blessed with an exceptional ability to craft all sorts of things from visions inspired by their most basic elements, and possesses patience and a strong sense of dedication that lead him to see his commitments through to the finish. Each time he sets out on a new adventure, starts a new project, or takes on a new role, he fulfills his pledge to give 101% right through to the end. As you will see, this statement relates to his roles as a husband, father, grandfather, employee, volunteer, and most recently, caregiver to his loving wife, Isabelle.

  Norman and Isabelle met in 1943, when she came home from Eastern Canada where she had been serving in World War II as a member of the Royal Canadian Air Force. On his way to work one day, following the advice of his cousin who was friends with Isabelle, Norman gallantly walked into the department store where Isabelle worked to ask her to a dance: "She was so startled to see this man she had never met walk into the department store in coveralls to ask her to a dance that she couldn't refuse! After we danced that night, we just knew that was it, it just happened."

After their first date, the two kept in touch and saw each other every Saturday night. Norman clearly remembers that it was Isabelle's kindness and intelligence that made her stand out as someone very special. Following a busy two-year courtship, Norman and Isabelle decided they would get married after the war ended, in the fall of 1945. Norman recalls being quite taken by the fact that Isabelle was eager to help him build the house— that would become their home for the next 58 years—on 10th Avenue in Burnaby: "I'd say she put close to 25% of the shingles on the outside of the house." Though the house was torn down three years ago, Norman still holds many fond memories of their home, including raising their daughter, Karen, and the time they spent there with close friends and neighbours, most of whom have now passed on.

All his life, Norman has been remarkably skilful and is a real model for anyone who aspires to be successful at a variety of trades. His career consisted of everything from farming to building Tiger Moth airplanes for Boeing during World War II. He has formal training in metalwork, electrical, drafting and design, welding, boat building, and woodworking. As a young man, he even raised and sold chickens to earn money to build a photo-finishing shop, which was conveniently located as an extension to the chicken coup! Looking through his photo albums is like taking a trip back to the good old days; a journey through B.C. in the 1920s with pictures of Vancouver, the Fraser Valley and the Okanagan Valley portraying an untouched land that is hardly recognizable nowadays.

Amongst his many other talents, Norman is very passionate and gifted in woodcarving. Since his retirement, he has been carving wood in all shapes and sizes but was particularly taken with the challenge of carving and painting North American birds. Now in his mid 80's, he is still actively carving.

 Norman and Isabelle have been married for 62 years now. Sadly, following a series of small strokes nearly seven years ago, Isabelle was diagnosed with dementia. Since then, Norman's devotion to his wife's care and his outlook on caregiving have been inspirational. Throughout Isabelle's experience with dementia, Norman's commitment to his wife has been as strong as ever: "As a caregiver, the best thing you can do is say, 'they need help, and I'm here to do it.'"

With the help of a day centre, Norman was able to care for Isabelle at home for the first few months of her illness. But then in 2001, he faced a caregivers' worst fear when his own doctor told him he had cancer. The couple agreed that the best thing for Isabelle would be for her to stay in a respite care facility until Norman completed his treatments and regained his strength. Sure enough, within months, both Norman and Isabelle were back home together, and Norman was once again giving 101% towards Isabelle's care.
   
Isabelle now lives in a long-term care facility. Understandably, the transition was difficult for Norman: "When you've been part of one another's caring for everything we did, it's hard to give up." He recalls worrying a lot, sometimes unnecessarily, and finding it difficult to know when to leave. But like Norman's other commitments, he embraced caregiving as a learning process, and has become extremely skilful at it. He believes that caregivers have to learn from their loved ones by spending time with them, interacting with them, and learning how to understand their ways of communicating. Norman stresses the fact that people with dementia are aware of their surroundings, and need to feel the love and attention from family visitors.

Norman cherishes the moments of connectedness he experiences when visiting Isabelle: "There are times when they aren't there, but when they are there, they understand… there's things that happen…she'll be looking at me or sometimes she'll smile at me, or sometimes I'll say something to get to her funny side, still all those things happen, so you know there are those in-betweens, so you want to be there when those in-betweens are there too." He sympathizes for caregivers who miss out on these special moments with their loved-ones.

Norman has rarely missed a day of visiting Isabelle in the past five years, and he continues to make his daily visits top priority, in between golfing, woodcarving, volunteering, and tending to his own medical needs. Not unlike their friends and neighbours back home Coquitlam, Norman has formed strong bonds with the staff, residents, and other family members in the nursing home: "After a while, they become family."

In 2007, he generously donated a beautiful hand-carved Pigeon Hawk to the Alzheimer Society of B.C. Forget Me Not golf tournament, which raised money in the Society's silent auction.