Memory Bank

• Living Life

Born in 1918, Mary (Tomayer) Szocs was the second youngest of ten siblings in the Tomayer family. Opportunities were scarce in the rural Hungarian community, so Mary left home at the tender age of 12 to work in Budapest as a housekeeper. While living in Budapest, Mary decided she would like to live in Canada. As fate would have it, Mary's best friends, Louisa Czettisch and Katie Matzer, had married and immigrated to Flin Flon, Manitoba, where the booming mining and smeltering industries made it a popular settlement for European immigrants. There, Mary's friends met Andrew Szocs, a Hungarian bachelor who happened to be looking for a wife. The two were introduced via photographs and corresponded for nearly a year. At the age of 20, Mary courageously boarded a ship and sailed across the Atlantic Ocean by herself with the hopes of marrying Andrew and starting anew in Canada. The two hit it off, married three days after Mary arrived, and went on to raise three children, Andy, Jim and Mary.

Like his mother, Andy left home at a young age to pursue his dreams. At 17, he left his family in Flin Flon to attend the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon. Over the next 40 years, Andy Szocs became a very successful engineer and well-known businessman in B.C. Distance separated Andy and his mother for many years; they would communicate periodically via mail or telephone, and try as often as possible to see each other in person. Both Andy and his mother kept in touch with family in Kecsked as well, and maintained deep connections with their Hungarian roots. Mary made numerous visits to Hungary, sometimes staying as long as three to four months at a time. Despite living apart from his mother for so many years, Andy's fondness for his mother never waned.

In 1969, Mary lost her husband of 30 years to a sudden heart attack. Mary and her daughter, Mary (junior) were always very close so she convinced her mother to start spending the winters with her family in Calgary to avoid the extremely cold weather of Flin Flon. Over the next 30 years, the bond between mother and daughter strengthened thanks in part to the excellent care that daughter Mary provided for her mother.

Then, in 2005, the family decided to move their mother to a North Vancouver senior living facility, which made it possible for Andy to spend more time with his mom after many years of living far apart. The move has been very positive. Mary loves her new home thanks in part to the firendly caring staff and the increased interaction she experiences with fellow residents. "To have the opportunity to spend this much time with my mom, it is just absolutely incredible," says Andy. 

In 2004, Andy decided it was time to do something special to honour his mother. Something that would recognize the three things most important to her: family, nationality and faith. "She is such an impressive woman, and everyone really likes her in the family over there [Kecsked]…I wanted to have something in her memory, and at the same time, give some pride to the family name over there." With that in mind, Andy orchestrated a plan to restore the Catholic Church where Mary attended Mass as a child. The condition of the 200-year-old church had deteriorated over the years, so with input from his relatives in Hungary, Andy commissioned a two-year project to restore different parts of the sanctuary—all at his own expense. The restoration included rebuilding the altar, refurbishing the 14 Stations of the Cross, repainting the pews, laying new carpeting, and providing beautiful new chairs for added seating. A hand-carved Easter candlestick—intricately detailed and finished in gold-leaf—was created in Mary's honour by a local artist and now proudly stands near the front of the church.

In October 2006, the Szocs family, including Mary at the age of 88, travelled to Kecsked to celebrate the realization of Andy's gift to his mother, the Catholic Church and the community. The visit to Hungary involved an elaborate family celebration including a soccer match between the Canadian visitors and the Kecsked locals, large family dinners with live traditional Hungarian folk music, several performances from local talents, and a church ceremony to commemorate the restoration project. The ceremony was extremely emotional for members of the Tomayer and Szocs families, particularly for Mary who was so overcome with emotion she could hardly catch her breath. Everyone was especially grateful to have Mary in attendance, despite her ailing health. Furthermore, Mary is the last surviving member of the ten Tomayer siblings. During the ceremony, a beautiful plaque was unveiled that reads,

"Her Love of Family Hungary, and Deep Catholic Faith is a Living Example For All. Forever Loved and Remembered by Tomayer Szocs Family." 

The plaque, in Hungarian, is mounted on a wall in the church. Mary has her very own English version, which hangs on the wall in her room in North Vancouver.

Everyone in the Tomayer and Szocs families came together to make this family celebration an overwhelming success. Over 300 people attended the ceremony, and approximately 250 attended the dinner and celebration that followed. A good time was had by all during the celebration, with plenty of food, wine, dancing, and most importantly, precious quality time with family. Even Mary, who walks with the assistance of a cane or walker, danced the night away with renewed energy. Although her memory is impaired, she was able to sing along to every word of traditional Hungarian folk songs. "During the two weeks we were there, she was just incredible…she danced until 1 o'clock in the morning!" Andy proudly exclaims. 

Despite having dementia, Mary has many fond memories of her trip to Hungary and is very proud of her son for his generous efforts to leave a legacy for the Tomayer family in Kecsked. "My mother talks about it all the time…she remembers going, she really remembers the church service and the Easter candlesticks and the special attention…she wants to go back."

Andy's compassion for his mother, and the incredible gift he bestowed in her honour, serves as a great inspiration for many. "I think we touched a lot of people’s lives…even younger children in the community have started going to church more." Andy’s and Mary’s story inspire us to celebrate the value of family, to embrace our parents as they age, and to be thankful for every day our elders are able to share with us their histories, experiences, knowledge and wisdom. To quote the famous American author Alex Haley, "In every conceivable manner, the family is the link to our past, and bridge to our future."